A Punch In The Right Direction
by Anime Girl23
Summary: Two says have passed since Tamaki announced his engagement to Eclaire. Everyone is still in shock and help is coming in the form of a girl with serious anger problems. And what's with Kaoru's attitude change?


Hey, everyone! Okay, so I just watched Episode 25 and I was _pissed_. I'm about ready to slap Tamaki and push Eclaire down a flight of concrete stairs. Anyway, let's just say that I got my revenge. It's actually around one in the morning now, so I'll post this in the morning, mostly because my wrist is starting to throb.

Note: Bit of twincest towards the end.

Note: I haven't done a humor fanfic in a long time, so let me know what you think.

Disclaimer: Nope. I own nothing.

A Punch In The Right Direction

One-Shot

_**Host Club**_

Silence had fallen over the group yet again. Tamaki and Eclaire had just announced their engagement to Tamaki's grandmother, who sat in her seat smirking like a Cheshire cat.

It had been two days since the announcement was first made, but the others were still in shock. Tamaki? Getting married? To _her_?

"The wedding will be at the beginning of June," Eclaire said, ignoring the fact that a date hadn't even been mentioned yet.

"That will be pretty," Hunny said, trying to be polite. It was hard.

Eclaire glared at the blonde, making him tear up and hide in Mori's jacket. "A wedding is no place for," she sneered, "children."

Haruhi raised an eyebrow. "He's seventeen."

Eclaire laughed bitterly.

"Pathetic," Tamaki's grandmother muttered.

"Very," Eclaire agreed. "Nor is it a place for these _things_." She glared at the twins whom were sitting close, Hikaru clenching the fist that rested on his brother's arm.

Kaoru snorted, before bursting into a sarcastic laugh. "We're things? Yes, definitely." He rolled his eyes before setting his gaze on Eclaire, a cold glare boring into her head.

Hikaru stared at his brother in shock. Never before had he seen Kaoru act like this; not even in their acts. He didn't even know that Kaoru could be like this. Still wide-eyed, he reminded himself to speak to his brother about it later.

"Myself?" Eclaire repeated. "Myself?" She laughed, before cutting off sharply and flipping her hair. "Look at you and your _brother_. It's disgusting."

Kaoru snapped to his feet, clenching his fists. Something in the back of his mind told him to forget manners and just slap her. No one was allowed to say that about his brother. He shook his head. "You're so lucky."

Eclaire scoffed. "And what would I be lucky of? That I'm associating with this filth?"

"That you're a girl," Kaoru paused, "or at least in the body of one."

"Body of one," a voice replied. A girl stepped from behind a pillar in the music room. Her dark, red streaked hair fell over her shoulders, partially hiding the straps of her black corset. A cotton miniskirt fell just below her rear and a pair of black, strapped heels laced across her feet.

Eclaire looked at the girl in disgust. "And you are?"

The girl mimicked Eclaire's movements. "A girl who has a whole lot less class then these guys." She ran her hand through her hair before slamming her fist into Éclaire's jaw.

Eclaire fell to the ground, clutching her face.

"Who do you think you are?" Tamaki's grandmother snapped, appalled.

"My God, Grandma," the girl rubbed her ears, "screech loud enough?"

"Miss-"

"Not so fast, Blondie-" the girl said, interrupting Tamaki who had finally found his voice. She turned her dark eyes to Eclaire. "Come on. I didn't hit you that hard."

"Girls these days," Tamaki's grandmother muttered. "No class at all."

"Nah, us _commoners_," she laughed at the old woman's face, "use our time a little better."

It was silent for a moment.

"By the way, Granny," the girl said. "It's about time for another face lift. I think your dog got lost in the folds."

Eclaire tried to kick the girl's foot out from under her. Keyword: _tried_.

"What? You want more? Don't worry. I'm not gonna hit you again. I wouldn't force my hand to touch you again."

Eclaire sighed.

"But I could kick," the girl added. She knelt down so she was eye level with the French girl. "Look, I don't know how you pried your way into Tamaki's head, but you better un-pry those bony ass fingers. I may not know him personally, but I have heard of him. He may act without thinking, but he isn't an idiot. Nor is he blind." She squinted as if examining Eclaire. "I mean, you look ridiculous."

"Excuse me!"

"Don't deny it," Kaoru piped in. "She has a point."

"Shut up, you fag!"

A slam and Eclaire was on her back again.

"You see?" the girl asked. "Now I had to torture my hand again." She took a handful of Eclaire's hair. "You may want to take that comment back. You see? Words like that get me a little pissed and I haven't been to Anger Management in a while."

"Might want to let your parole officer know," Kaoru added.

"But then, she wouldn't stop bitching," the girl whined. She turned back to Eclaire. "Eclaire, right?"

The French girl nodded.

"Named after a fucking pastry," the girl laughed before cutting off. "I pity the pastry."

"Sec-"

"Here we go," the girl rolled her eyes. "Security, security," she mocked. "Can't you rich people handle _anything_ by yourselves?"

"Excuse me, Mi-"

"Kali," the girl corrected Tamaki, "Kali Faith and if you call me 'Miss' again, you're fucking screwed."

Tamaki nodded, backing away towards Kyoya.

Kali turned back to her little prisoner. "Now, don't we have an apology to make? No?"

"No," Eclaire agreed.

"Too bad. " Kali pulled her fist back again.

"Kals," Kaoru said.

"Yeah?" Kali turned to the redhead, smiling.

Hikaru sat there, speechless. They knew each other? His brother knew her? What the hell had he been missing!

"Seriously," Kaoru said, "you don't need to be arrested again. It was hard enough to lose the cops last time."

Kali pouted. "Fine."

Kaoru nodded. "Continue."

"Thank you!" Kali pulled Eclaire's hair. "Now, you my want to listen. I'm protective of my friends, and when it comes to the ones that are family to me, I get pretty pissed when little bitches like yourself mess with them. Granted I only know one of them personally, but I really don't care. You're voice is just pissing me off."

"Tamaki," Eclaire snapped. "Are you going to let her talk to me like this!"

Tamaki thought for a moment. "I actually think I am."

"What!"

"Eh, changed my mind," he shrugged, "I have too much fun as a host to get married. Sorry." Anyone could tell he wasn't sorry in the least.

Kali stood. "Aw, look. No fiancée or help. Poor little ho," she said in mock pity.

"Me a ho?" Eclaire laughed.

"Yup." Kali nodded. "You see, I may look like a whore, but I don't spread my legs for anything that's breathing. I mean, look at yourself! Your legs are open right now!"

She was right. Eclaire's legs sprawled in two different directions.

"Word of advice? Before calling someone a whore, make sure the room doesn't have a full view of your yellow stained _white_ underwear."

The entire room minus Eclaire and Tamaki's grandmother laughed.

"That's just gross," Kaoru chucked.

Eclaire stared in bitter disbelief. A boy who was snuggling with his twin said _she_ was disgusting!

"What? You have a problem with us?" Kaoru asked. He kissed the corner of Hikaru's mouth.

Wanting a little control, Hikaru grabbed Kaoru's face, pulling him into a fevered kiss.

Kyoya chuckled, shaking his head. The boys had announced their relationship earlier that week, so it wasn't a shock anymore.

Mori sat there silently, his eyes rolling. He had been surprised by Kaoru's recent attitude, but the kiss was old news. Ever since coming out, the boys were constantly making out in a corner.

Kali turned away. "By the way." The lifted the back of her skirt, flashing her barely covered rear. "Bite me."

Eclaire flushed, stumbling to her feet and running from the room, Tamaki's grandmother slowly following her, disgusted.

Kali smirked, sauntering a few steps before dropping into Kaoru's lap.

Kaoru laughed. "Thank you!"

"Okay," Hikaru butted in. "I want answers!"

"Oops," Kali laughed. "Sorry." She slid off Kaoru's lap and onto the empty cushion beside him.

Kaoru kissed his brother's cheek, "She's an old friend. I met her when Dad dragged me to America a few summers ago."

"This kid's too hilarious to not keep in touch with," Kali added. "He's kept me up to date with all the pranks and everything."

"Well, I thank you," Tamaki said, bowing.

"Formal, much?" Kali raised an eyebrow.

"Kali-chan!" Hunny bounced over. "Arigato!"

Kali smiled, ruffling Hunny's hair. "No problem."

"Want some cake?" Hunny offered.

"Definitely," Kali nodded, following the boy over to the table.

"Kaoru?" Hikaru questioned at his brother's worried face.

"Did Hunny just offer her cake?" Kaoru asked.

Haruhi nodded. "Yeah."

"Oh, shit."

The End

Anime Girl23: MWA HA HA! THAT WAS FUN!

Kaoru: You just had that much fun, because Kali is you.

Anime Girl23: Of course! The only differences is that I've never gotten arrested, had Anger Management, and I may or may not have flashed my ass.

Kaoru: Depends on how much sugar you had, had or how pissed you were.

Anime Girl23: Basically. Anyway, like I said, I haven't written a humor fic in a long time, so let me know what you thought!

Thanks for reading!

PS If you like angsty Hikaru/Kaoru, check out my other fic _A Tear Stained Letter_.


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